Friday 27 May 2016

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger?

I guess I’ve always had the attitude to go through the walls and believed that setbacks make you stronger. And quite often this has proven to be the case. I doubt whether I’d ever made my way to Finnish national team and big championships if I hadn’t lost it all for a while after a car accident. Doctors doubted whether I would ever run again but I came back stronger than ever. That incident got me to believe that anything is possible and what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. Sometimes that may be the case, sometimes that attitude can drive you down.

This spring I certainly had too much Finnish ‘sisu’ (persistence or determination regardless of costs) and fighter attitude when I should have given up and slowed down. I pushed myself too far until the point I got afraid of killing myself. When I got an infection I only allowed myself to be sick for a week or so but after that there was no time to rest and I just ignored all the signs my body was giving and kept on hammering regardless of costs. I convinced myself that it was just pollen allergy and ended up extending a normal flu (maybe a bit nastier one) up to seven weeks by my perseverance or stubbornness. I was too tired to train but I kept on racing every weekend until the point that my body gave up. After five weeks the infection got down to my lungs and the chest pain, high fever, and difficulties in breathing finally outweighed my willpower and I had no other option than to give up. 

Now I have finally beaten the infection and feeling well again for the first time since early April but at the same time I’m weaker than ever and literally out of shape. I have absolutely no idea when I will be able to race again. I still get out of breath just going up stairs and my heart rate is sky high as soon as I try to run. My big dreams for this season seem already more or less gone but being stubborn as I am I still keep on dreaming to keep myself sane. In reality I try to learn from my mistakes and be patient now. I know I can only take baby steps and I cannot push my limits before I’ve reached some kind of basic health and fitness. At the moment my calendar is empty from races and I am not planning to run anything before Venla. Just taking things as they come day by day and watching our garden to bloom...






Able to smile again after accepting things as they are!