I guess I’ve always had the attitude to go through the walls
and believed that setbacks make you stronger. And quite often this has proven
to be the case. I doubt whether I’d ever made my way to Finnish national team
and big championships if I hadn’t lost it all for a while after a car accident.
Doctors doubted whether I would ever run again but I came back stronger than
ever. That incident got me to believe that anything is possible and what
doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. Sometimes that may be the case, sometimes that
attitude can drive you down.
This spring I certainly had too much Finnish ‘sisu’
(persistence or determination regardless of costs) and fighter attitude when I
should have given up and slowed down. I pushed myself too far until the point I
got afraid of killing myself. When I got an infection I only allowed myself to
be sick for a week or so but after that there was no time to rest and I just ignored
all the signs my body was giving and kept on hammering regardless of costs. I convinced
myself that it was just pollen allergy and ended up extending a normal flu
(maybe a bit nastier one) up to seven weeks by my perseverance or stubbornness.
I was too tired to train but I kept on racing every weekend until the point
that my body gave up. After five weeks the infection got down to my lungs and the chest pain, high fever, and difficulties in breathing finally
outweighed my willpower and I had no other option than to give up.
Now I have finally beaten the infection and feeling
well again for the first time since early April but at the same time I’m weaker
than ever and literally out of shape. I have absolutely no idea when I will be
able to race again. I still get out of breath just going up stairs and my heart
rate is sky high as soon as I try to run. My big dreams for this season seem already
more or less gone but being stubborn as I am I still keep on dreaming to keep
myself sane. In reality I try to learn from my mistakes and be patient now. I know
I can only take baby steps and I cannot push my limits before I’ve reached some
kind of basic health and fitness. At the moment my calendar is empty from races
and I am not planning to run anything before Venla. Just taking things as they
come day by day and watching our garden to bloom...
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| Able to smile again after accepting things as they are! |
